so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize