you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize