there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
