Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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