girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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