i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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