atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
