Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
