it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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