i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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