If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
