i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
