Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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