using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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