So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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