Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
