last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize