So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
