lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
