He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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