I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
