I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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