if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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