Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
