dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
