I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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