She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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