i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
