Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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