Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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