i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
