just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Welp...herpes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize