you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
