she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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