I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize