Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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