I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love having hate sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
