Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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