Moan for me like Helen Keller
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
