you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize