it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
