is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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