pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
