It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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