____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
