I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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