Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
