Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
