can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
