I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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