was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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