Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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