In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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