ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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