He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
