Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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