I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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