Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love black thongs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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