go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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