Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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