I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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