Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
