you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
