Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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