this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
