i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
