tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
