I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
