there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
