ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
