is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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