doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
