There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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