wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
