That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize