these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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