I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
