I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
