She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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