just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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