I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize