Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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