I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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