Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
