There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
