Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
