ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
