would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
