I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
