If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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