Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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