I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
