How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the day after is always just damage control
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
