Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
