I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
