Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
