the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize