Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
